staying up all night with a sick child.
It pains to hear her cry, Its helpless.
It hurts so much to know she is sick.
If only i can take in all her pain.
I can almost see husband hit that nurse who insisted on giving her IV that sunday night.
Hospital is always playing safe.
For options, I signed the waiver.
I dont want her hurt anymore.
I can no longer hold my emotions.
I am so weak, I just wanted to cry.
Marriage is not only the beginning of a relationship but also the end of a life long search for the other half of your soul.
Making sure that the knot was tied officially, we lined up at the City Hall and took a copy of our Marriage Certificate, right after our almost 15 minutes wedding ceremony! We both smiled childishly after having it, hold on it tightly and almost whispered - our precious (voice of Gollum here!) Roarrr! LOL
That's what we were. I guess that's what we are still up to this day. Always on the look out, guarding on our oath to that court, to his parents, to a pair of witness we had, to ourselves, to GOD. Making sure that each moment is on the road to making the marriage work its way up. And sticking to each other on every humpy bumpy road on the way..
What we were, what we have, what we will be, no matter how hard life will treat us, and it has been tough already if i may say.. I know it will be worth a while. It is worth a while!
My half rice diet is working - ok that's irony!!! Howell, you have evidence now that it is NOT! LOL. After a two days feast, last friday's birthday celebration of officemates and last sunday's baptism of a new god child which was a feast again, i have to be firm.
Well, i am practicing 'half rice diet' ever since June when i'm at work. Eating dinner at home and during weekends should be exempted from that rule, you see i have a voracious husband and eating with him is like playing keeping up or else you lose game. And i see myself making harder to zip my pants again. Well please, remind me dear that i need to stick to my diet or else i will have nothing to wear anytime soon!!!
We've been friends from College, a friendship totaling of ten years now. In life's multi stages, I would like to think we adapt and then we grow. Where most of us got married, for a choice two of them became mothers but not wives, one a wife for a little over three years and forever a mother of two, I am a wife and a mother and the rest are still on frightening stage of thinking whether to climb another step up or just wait.
This is not supposed to be a sad entry. And yesterday was one of the many few chance I manage to get to meet them. It’s the baptism of a bouncing baby boy that would be so love solely by his mom. Stories maybe sad and disheartening but knowing how brave my friends are, I know no matter how elusive happiness is, they will soon find it.
Marriage is a compromise, its about doing something for the other person even when you dont want it. - The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks
Well for me: Marriage is a compromise, it is about drinking beer with your husband even when you dont like it! :p
My husband is alcoholic, nah im just kidding. As much as he is a good husband, he is an obedient one too. Here's a little story. You see, sometime last month, i allowed him to drink (alcohol) on weekends ONLY WHEN there is an occassion. BUT i noticed that every weekend, there gone one celebration to another like a birthday of someone, anniversary of another, their dog Via was expecting (can you imagine!) and when that pity dog got miscarriage. All these they celebrated with a BRANDY!
As they say, when you cannot stop them, join them. And so there i had some drink with him! Kidding. Im no saint, i admit i got drunk in the past too. But i really appreciate its bitter taste when im into a bitter situation. But when it's weekly, OMG!?!
And before you conclude, i have to reveal now that, that picture was from my ex boss despidida party at Giligans a month ago and each of us got a bottle of beer. :)
Ive been blogging, blog hopping, internet browsing here at work. Lately ive been busy dropping EC cards while working. Talking about serving two masters at the same time! I know i can make last minute reports i told myself.
Yesterday, my supervisor, also a confidant slash friend of mine whispered that i would be nearing to go to HR (Human Resources). As if it shook a bone out of me, but because i am an obedient citizen of this world (waaaah) hesitantly i closed all windows slash blogs ive been reading to. Worked my ass and resorted to music. Music! At that moment I chose Martin Nievera’s song, I don’t want you to go. It almost made me cry. But I wander.
Ok. Back to the story, I texted hubby pronto, please for the love of me and for our love of blogging, please let us install our computer at home an internet connection. To which he replied, i would think about it first. Grrrr. After all this time he is still thinking about it! My tantrums would get me nowhere i know. So I got no choice but to again, Sigh.
I happen to work in one of the oldest telephone company here in the Philippines, suffice to say we cater internet access etal to our customers. I can only sigh again why it does not go far beyond boundaries to remote provinces in the Philippines.
If only our Eastern Internet Access that is way better than the congested lines of SmartBro could reach our far away land of Cavite. Sigh.
There is no experience like having children. There's no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. IF your want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn to love and bond in the deepest way. Then you should have children. - Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Absence makes the Heart Grow fonder? True!
My first day of work was supposedly an exciting one but it turned out totally different! I felt deep loneliness, I expected worst things will happen in my life. Going to work everyday without her by my side is a big struggle and a deep misery for me. Almost two years of being together going to work, eating breakfast, lunch and snacks and going back home, maybe these are the reasons why I felt that. Excess food would be save for wifey so that she had something to eat while going back home. Except for rushing home after office, the rest turned out to be different. This time, we no longer exchange emails, no more flirty chats and naughty senseless phone calls. Because of the distance and low technologies of my new work.. we miss each other so much.
Days were longer and nights were shorter, and how i would like to stretch night time for an extension of our cuddling time. These last few nights were so emotional because I kept on complaining about how my work and the office was, little did she know that the main reason was I'm missing her a lot and I want to be with her all the time.
Last Friday, we and my new officemates, dined out a Cuba. Knowing that chicken wings is my wifey's favorite, I didn't eat my share, i imagined her face upon another surprise food.. i wanted to bring it home for her. I was excited to go home. Excitement became worries when I saw her sad face. I felt so sorry and disappointed seing her that way. I can't give what she wanted and for not being the man she wanted me to be. I was still smiling though, I didn't want her to feel the bitterness I was feeling right then. I understand why she wanted to sleep apart or sleeping backward rather than cuddling each other.
I know that there's no one left to blame but me, I should have listened to her. For all the heartaches and hardships I have given her, I am deeply sorry. I wish that I still have some lucky charm left for me to go back to my former company to make things run better and our lives BACK to normal again. Please help me GOD.
Two years ago
- We would seat comfortably at the bus, cuddling, doing some PDA’s, talk a little nonsense things and fell asleep after
- Together we would eat breakfast and lunch, sneaked out anytime we want for a snack at 711 or ministop or mcdo or jollibee
- We would rush home after a day of work, hurry to Burgundy Tower, wait patiently for the bus while eating some peanuts
- All day, we tirelessly chat, exchange emails, talked silly things on the phone. (Ah, the wonders of modern technology)
- That even though we don’t have much, we have each other. Such a cliché, but true. Coz, we live from paycheck to paycheck, get paid by payday then pay bills and stuffs. And when the gasoline keeps on rocketing to sky high.. you wish to find a job nearer in our place, and that we can save more.
A little three days ago
- You excitedly get up, dressed up. It was your first day on your new job, a job that promises better pay.. high savings
- I was sad that first Monday, and you told me you felt the same. You fetched me and then I saw your eyes, I saw the saddest YOU i've ever seen
- I begged you to share you first day stories. You described how your computer was so old and looked like being bought some decades ago. It was so slow than our computer at home. That you wish it has LCD 17” flat screen monitor.
- That when you asked for a file and requested to send it to you, someone gave you a DISKETTE. LOL
- And then you learned that one person per department only had an ‘outlook’ or email which I concluded. ‘You don’t have internet access NOR microsoft outlook?’
- I laughed while seeing your new uniform, which I described as ice cream colored, and then you told me you were not proud wearing it.
- You told me, you weren’t happy. You made the wrong decision and that you want to come back. You said every minute of stay would make you weaker.. That fighting and holding on is beyond what you can do now.
- That there is MORE important than money. That nobody can buy happiness!
Today
- I shall carry on, relive your jobstreet account, keep crossing fingers and saying a prayer while sending your applications. We’re back to square one baby but I am not blaming you. We are partners in crime, comrade on war. And we’ll fight together on our every struggle head on, chin up! Cause we know that what ever happens and however hard it might be, we can do it!
Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life.
-Maureen Hawkins
Woke up from a sleepless night, took a bath with no trace of your hands on the soap.
Mondays (everyday!) will never be the same without you by my side.
Alone at the bus, I rushed myself to sleep, only by then I would dream of you, us, and our daily rants about life while cuddling and tickling at each other’s bones
I could not dare sit on the seats we called “lovers lane” cause I am alone by myself, me and i. And got no lover around :(
I paid for a single fare. I used to sleep fast to ignore this part, I know you would always pay for me!
Miss someone guiding me through at every single move i made..
I run going to the office, I miss you pulling me and running with me when I will be late and I don’t want to walk fast
I skip breakfast. I will miss our everyday morning meal at the canteen.
I miss our flirty chats. Our emails. Our phone conversations. I miss you.
I had a solo lunch, was in tears. I told you, I have to get used to it by now.
But I cant.
Every inch of you, all traces of you were here with me.
I miss you here in Makati!
Cant wait to be night time again, cause by then i will be at your arms hugging, kissing and never letting me go.
An officemate forwarded this to me, i was touched by the story and as usual left me with a lump in my throat and a nearly wetty eyes. Read on and you'll know why..
After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea. 'I know that you love her,' she said one day, taking me by surprise. 'But I love YOU,' I protested. 'I know, but you also love her.'
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and movie. 'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
'I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.' She thought about it for a moment then said 'I would like that very much.'
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our meeting'.
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrie, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor,' I respond. During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you'. I agreed.
'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home.'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.
A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack.It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said:
'I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, never-the-less, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for you wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you.'
At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off to 'some other time'.
WORDS TO LIVE BY: 'The hardest and loudest cries in a wake are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone'
we were planning to watch KC Concepcion's first ever movie, For the first time, but due to lots of reason and because hubby surprised me with other first on something last night.. we will just watch the pirated tape my officemate lend me, cuddle with him while watching it at home with Yena. ;) LOL
i am talking about first time here, and so i asked hubby to send me all his firsts experiences from me.. and i will write down mine too. and here's our lists..
per hubby's accounts:
- i got my first ever email message from my wifey that was some two years ago.. i learned about jobstreet from her, and i am still trying to know what friendster is all about til now
- my wife was the first ever woman i ever played table tennis with, she taught me how without her knowing i was playing it long before i knew her..
- "I got my first ever surprise flower delivery, a three white roses on our 7th month. vivid memories of how my girl officemates claimed the flower that soon were forwarded to me. she knew how to surprise me really! I got the sweetest wife in the whole wide world!"
- last year march 2007, wifey, me and some friends went to Baguio, my very first time in the city of pines. I was 25 years old.
- both of us had our first overnight camping/mountaineering trip ever! that was November of 2006. thanks to wifey's asmsi mountaineering friends!
- my wife had the worst mood swings i can ever imagine, she was the only girl who made me cry and worst it was along the road!
per my account:
- i am not brand conscious, my husband is! he only wears bench underwears and levis jeans. and then one day he surprised me my very first pair of levis jeans. :D
- even before being an ITEM, i noticed husband starting to be the PDA type, cant get enough of holding, carressing, kissing and hugging me even in public! to which most of the time i like :)
- when i was so drunk some two years ago from tequila over a very big problem, i threw up and made hubby clean all the mess i made on the floor.. i was so unconscious that next morning i coudnt believe it all, hubby had daryl to testify! :)
- i had my very first ever hair treatment, a cellophane shine from index salon courtesy of hubby last night! i can kiss him right then and there! shout for joy!
-"my hubby was not my first boyfriend, BUT HE IS MY FIRST AND WILL BE MY LAST TRUE LOVE... that was a pact I made not only to human race but also to High Heavens on the day i said 'i love you too, baby!'"..
On my quest to have a healthy marriage, I have files of what to do lists on my computer and share it to husband, who gets bored reading and so I find myself narrating each and every points on him. He ought to know, it’s a partnership! :)
But what I never read from those articles on magazines/newspapers on building a healthy relationship is that one has to lose self when you get married.
Until last sunday morning’s mass.The priest was right. The first thing one should be prepared of when falling in love is
TO CRY. It’s the package. One beautifully wrap gift called love but with lots of aches and hurts on the side. Yes it’s true, when you love, you get hurt, you cry. And you will cry buckets if not rivers of tears when you get married.
Yes, our marriage is not always a bed of roses, not always a smiley, but we try to pull through. Maintaining a partnership called marriage is hard, the bankruptcy rate is high. LOL
In marriage, there is not only overflowing of joy but also lots of tears. But I think it is with this tears that fuels the flame of love. Some tears of joy here, some tears of heartaches there. It’s the science of love.
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