messing up

i've been so down and low lately then a friend just told me, "it doesn't show! you seem happy!"

happy?

yeah! i am? i dunno. whats that suppose to mean? i really don't know if my acting skills are on the hype! all smiles all the time, laughing until it hurts and having fun until the break of dawn.

well, i maybe happy. maybe. maybe? maybe!

it has been weeks without my family and "some" friends around. (i miss them so much- - i want to die).. and if i may say.. it's been like forever, smiling outside but tearing up inside. my tearducts really gone dry, being so emotionally down, i know i've lost so much water!

still losing some more water with ALL the hurts i've been going through, i guess i'll breakdown sometime. i'm in the process of giving myself up. soon i'll break away i know!

and i just dont get it. i know i am messing up.. but can i still get by? i messed my heart up, but i know me head's not totally messed up!

Messing up is NOT equivalent to BEING all messed up!

I'm messing up and i'm missing myself.