Art of letting Go

by Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.

You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Eventhough the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope.You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible.

And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehavior.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. Actually decide to let it go.

Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it. Period!

Or as Islam teaches us, the true believer is the one who can forgive while she is angry.