messing up

i've been so down and low lately then a friend just told me, "it doesn't show! you seem happy!"

happy?

yeah! i am? i dunno. whats that suppose to mean? i really don't know if my acting skills are on the hype! all smiles all the time, laughing until it hurts and having fun until the break of dawn.

well, i maybe happy. maybe. maybe? maybe!

it has been weeks without my family and "some" friends around. (i miss them so much- - i want to die).. and if i may say.. it's been like forever, smiling outside but tearing up inside. my tearducts really gone dry, being so emotionally down, i know i've lost so much water!

still losing some more water with ALL the hurts i've been going through, i guess i'll breakdown sometime. i'm in the process of giving myself up. soon i'll break away i know!

and i just dont get it. i know i am messing up.. but can i still get by? i messed my heart up, but i know me head's not totally messed up!

Messing up is NOT equivalent to BEING all messed up!

I'm messing up and i'm missing myself.

piece of cake

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?"

Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

- - -
Oh God give me a piece of your cake, please...

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remembering that the time to love is short.

uyet, uyet!

ATOY AYEP.. ATOY AYEP..

ATOY AYEPIN MO KAHIT HINDE BATID..

UYET! UYET!

Hahahah. Di ko mapigil tumawa tuwing maririnig ko ang "ayipin" version ni drew at jason sa kantang "alipin' ng shamrock. ang kulet nila! ang sayang kasama! until now, ayan pa rin ang kumikiliti sa utak ko, heheh. funny tlga!!

at least, i will have something (GREAT) on my mind this week.. maisip ko lang ang saya ng akyat (???) namen.. nabubuhay ang natutulog kong dugo! heheheh.

now, narealize ko kung baket maraming sumasama sa akyat (hiking).. kya naman pala parang bisyo na nila to! pede ko ring gawing bisyo to, nakakaadik pala. nkkahigh ng pakiramdam.. lalo na at ganun kaganda ang place na pupuntahan. kahit pauyet uyet este paulet ulet.. aakyat ako paye este pare! :)

napakalinis at napakalamig ng tubig sa falls na parang may yelo, dabest ang lasa! (uminom tlga ako dear, masarap pa sa mineral water) nkakatuwa dahil first time ko rin mag overnight sa ganung place.. one night with nature! uh, great!

and last, napakasaya po ng mga kasama.. dabest talaga ang bonding ng mga SOM graduates! la na ko maSAY! bow po ako. pag ok sa sked ko, sama ako uyet este ulet! pramis.



ay isa na lng, UYET! UYET! LOL

i love you, goodbye.

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But honey that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, honey that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand
I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Honey it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Honey, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

and I will try to FIX you.

Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I..

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

and the countdown begins..

i'm turning 25 this month. weeeeeh. i dont know this feeling. parang excited na tense na di ko maintindihan. parang natatakot ako, natutuwa at kinakabahan. sounds corny. pero yun talaga napifeel ko eh. i'm just over reacting maybe. lagi naman eh. ako ang reyna ng ka OA'yan. LOL

walang selebrasyon pag birthday ko.. walang inuman, gimik o kung anu pa man in short walang gastos. nagtatago kasi ako. umiiwas.. kuripot nga daw ako, sabi nila. umaasa kasi ako sa treat ng mga richie rich na kaibigan.. heheheh (Calling! Calling!)
hindi sa ayaw kong magpakain at magpainom.. hindi lang ako nasanay ng party para saken. emotional kasi ako, gusto ko lang kasama family ko, salu salo. masaya na ko sa bati ng mga kaibigan. emails, letters, calls, texts at cards (roses, chocolates, lays, wines and gifts LOL) buhay na ko niyan! yung pede kong balikan.. reread, recall at reuse! hahahah

eh anu nga bang nangyari nung bigday ko last year?!
ahhhh. may nagtreat ng batangas get-away sa ken. ang saya. ikaw na magswimming sa calatagan, at magsawa sa inihaw na pusit! at all expense paid yun, mind u! baet talaga ni ninang ems ko! sana maulit muli. LOL
another treat, nung naghanap ng band si anne. hayun.. gimik na rin kami somewhere in manila! at walang inuman, namulutan lang kami!!! sobrang straight ang mga tropang PLM ko eh. :)

naisip ko, 24 years na pala ang nakalipas sa buhay ko. nasan na ba ako? i'm counting down, lapit na po ako mag 25.. ilang taon na lang mawawala na ko sa kalendaryo.. ok lang, may lotto pa naman. LOL

seryoso, nasan na ba ako?